my sisters under your porch take her home
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
