It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
