Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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