Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
