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I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
