We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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