I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
