"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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