i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
