I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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