I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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