looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
