i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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