hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
