i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My vagina is very pro this idea
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
