i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
