you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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