omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
