The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
