i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
