Pants 0. Shit 1.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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