The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
