On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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