My friends, they love my intelligence
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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