He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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