You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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