Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
