I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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