none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
