Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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