so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I met the friendliest cop last night
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
