She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
