WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
