Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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