Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
