haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
