Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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