Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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