The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This baby is an asshole
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
