she woke up with a sticky ear
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
