if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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