I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
