so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
