Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So much rum. So many feels.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
