Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if only i could text you this smell
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
