that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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