Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
