So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
