I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
