this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
