I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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