There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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