did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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