On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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