I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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