I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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