week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
