Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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