i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
