He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
