after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
