Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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