how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
