matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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