my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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