It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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