Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
