Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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