You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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