Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
