Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
