The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
